you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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