Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
