One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
