So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
