My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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