id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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