to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
