Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
