she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
