My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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