Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize