I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my shit smells like andre
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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