Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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