"it" just moved
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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