I'm pants shitting drunk right now
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
