Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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