I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
