he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
