hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
