If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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