normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
