Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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