do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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