I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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