Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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