Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
