Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
