and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
