It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
