my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My bed smells like the plague
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