I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
