I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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