You're my little dorito
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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