Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
