Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
