I want to make a zoo with you.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize