the condom got lost in my hair
He uses pillows to masturbate.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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