If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
