Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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