My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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