I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
