Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
