The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
