Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He felt like a one man threesome
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
