That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
