so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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