My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
