just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
