one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
