You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize