bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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