apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
