I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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