i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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