You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
