Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
