When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Holy sore nipples Batman
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
