Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize