Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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