he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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