she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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