you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Randomize
