The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
