When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
