He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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