If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
