my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
