I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
