My first STD was from a foam party
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
