As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
