Cold hands, warm shart.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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