just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
