Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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