So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
