If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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