you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
