The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
