You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
