Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He has the fingertips of a God
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