just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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