i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
