I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
