God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
