im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
