we have pet lesbian snakes
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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