Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
