New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
