WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
