i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
