Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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