to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Im part way to drunk.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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