In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
