I think im going to throw up on grandma
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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