Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
