dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
