I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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