we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
