I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
