What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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