i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
